Are you riddled with self-doubt? Do you hold onto the idea that you’re “not good enough”? If you do, don’t worry—you’re definitely not alone.
However, what if self-doubt is a learned ability that’s keeping you from being as great as you really are? The only person powerful enough to stop you from doing and being what you want in life is you. Only your own self-doubt can limit you and squeeze you into a small box.
So, how can we learn to be great and boost our self-esteem? Or is confidence something we’re born with?
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True confidence has nothing to do with a specific skill or talent. Of course, we feel confident about things we´re good at. But in general it has to do with the way you feel about yourself.
When we reflect this we could say that confidence is not a genetic programming as contrary to popular belief. You can change the way you feel about yourself or about a situation at any time and you will increase your ability to succeed – no matter what!
What is the result? Confidence can be re-learned. It can be nurtured through yourself. And there´s really no limit to how confident you can become. Trust yourself. Step by step more and more. Your inner strength, your capacity to learn, your capacity to succeed with ease, expands as you move towards what you are trying and willing to have. You never know what you are capable of because as you get into it, your potential grows and grows and grows and allows you to go even further.
Beate Nimsky, Right Voice for You Facilitator shares her tips for developing more self confidence.
1. Reflect.
What is confidence for you? What does it look like? What do you experience? What awareness do you have?
Do you have a sense of confidence in the middle of a specific activity? Or do you experience confidence when you are dressed a certain way?
How do you deal with criticism? Do you move back, do you take it personal? Do you go against it?
Reflect on all of these questions. They will reveal the situations and circumstances you feel confident and less confident in.
2. Become immune to criticism
Do you experience criticism as an attack or just as feedback? What if you could take any suggestion, any so called unconstructive criticism, whether it’s from a boss, family member, or even yourself, as an interesting point of view?
If you remind yourself over and over again that any comment from others is only an interesting point of view, what would change?
Every time you receive a judgement or criticism from someone else, or yourself, consider it, say “this is an interesting point of view” and then let it go. You will discover how quickly you become immune to it, whilst also turning any criticism into something to simply be grateful for.
3. Identify negative scripts and agendas
Knowing what makes you more and more immune to criticism is important. Knowing what triggers you inwardly is also equally important.
You know your voice in your head that makes nasty comments or noises? When we stumble, fall, or make a mistake, that voice is there to remind us that we are not good enough. It tells us we first have to learn hundreds of thousands of things before we succeed or even before we can proceed with our goals. These are the negative scripts or agendas, which are trying to destroy our self-esteem and our entire sense of self.
Identify these comments and the feelings attached to them. Then ask yourself, ”Is this really mine? To whom does it belong to?”
Often you’ll find that you have internalised many of the judgements and criticisms that others have imposed on you, even from as far back as your childhood. Their points of view can often manifest themselves as these negative, critical voices in our head.
Sometimes these agendas or scripts don´t have to be bad or negative or false. However, if they are left undetected, they are always influencing what you think, say and do.
Is now the time to let them go?
4. Upgrade your unstoppable power
Ask yourself, “What knowledge have I acquired?” “What challenges have I overcome?” You could turn your most vulnerable or painful moments into gratitude. What gave you the ability to overcome any challenge so far?
Every time you fall into that “I should” energy, beware, that´s not you!
Instead of thinking “I should follow through”, ask, “What will it feel like when this task is done?”
Instead of thinking, “I should meet more people to become a good sales person,” ask, “what can I do, say and emulate, that will attract so many people with so much money, I could hardly close all sales”?
Instead of thinking, “I am not in this position right now”, ask, “I am important to any person who comes in contact with me, no matter what hierarchy.”
5. Thrive in the unknown
What is your comfort zone at this moment? Are you ready to step forward? Start welcoming the unknown; the unfamiliar situations, environments, people.
Most people prefer to stick within known and familiar situations. However, at the same time, they complain about what they are not able to do, instead of choosing to be free. To choose the unknown and to choose to experiment is to choose you every time.
There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to stepping outside of your comfort zone and experiences all aspects of life. You will probably make mistakes, but you learn from the failures and always have the freedom to make a different choice.
Don’t shy away from those new, unknown, uncomfortable situations and choices.
So many opportunities await you when you step outside of the unfamiliar. This is the way to confidence. And true confidence is the knowledge that you are enough.
