As Anthony Weiner discovered to his cost (again) this week, even when you think you’re being anonymous about your online sexy escapades, you’re only as safe as your technology and your partner.
However, even if you’re not a cheating politico, getting intimate via cyberspace and apps (particularly popular with long-distance couples and in casual relationships) has its risks.
So here’s how to make it both safe and satisfying.
Anonymity on the internet is not quite as anonymous as it seems. If you’re with a partner you trust, then revealing something like your location is fine, but if it’s a more casual situation it’s in your interest to wise up.
Weiner himself used Twitter (just blatantly silly) and Formspring, which caused massive consternation because nobody had really ever heard of it. It was an ‘anonymous’ question-answer service that went offline last year – Slate called it ‘like an online game of Truth Or Dare’.
However, Weiner’s anonymity – which he hid behind the immortal screenname ‘Carlos Danger’ – was quickly uncovered when his partner went public. He admitted it before any forensics needed to be used to prove it was him, but anything from IP addresses to personal information could have given the clue.
Other technology that’s supposed to keep you safe is sometimes a little more complicated. Snapchat, which is huge is the US, is a phone app that allows users to take photos, usually selfies, and send them to a contact, allowing them to view them for up to 10 seconds before they’re ‘deleted’.
The problem? A forensic analyst found that the selfies aren’t deleted at all. Once the snaps ‘expire’ they’re simply hidden on your contact’s phone, mostly because it’s really hard to actually delete anything off a mobile device. Snapchat doesn’t think this is a problem, but considering how easy it is to retrieve them with a forensic program, it might be.
Emails can be hacked, and even things that are currently deleted properly could once have been screen capped (even for innocent romantic purposes). So be sensible about how you share what, what you keep, and make sure your partner is, too.
This is less of an issue if it’s a long-term relationship or there’s a massive trust bond – and I mean a proper one, not just that you pinkie swore once half-heartedly.
However, the rest of the time, be sensible. Crop out anything that could identify you positively, particularly rooms in your house, ID, or particular tattoos.
And if you’re chatting with strangers on an explicitly sexual basis, don’t be convinced to give them anything with your face in it, and always avoid using your main email address.
This is just fair play. If you’ve been asked to delete images, delete them properly. Don’t just store them away thinking they’ll be fine for a rainy day – if you get your computer stolen or an email account hacked, and the pictures are used by third parties, you’re at fault.
Deletion can be less permanent than you think (as we’ve discovered), but look into secure deletion programs and ask your partner to run them too – to make sure that nobody can get pictures back.
Some of them work by encrypting the data before it’s deleted, meaning that whatever can be recovered is just a mess anyway.
Similarly, don’t screencap or keep any information without your partner’s express permission. And when a relationship or connection is done, however hurtful or drama-filled, you delete everything. That’s just good manners.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
