Lady Friday On Bragging About Your Bedroom Life: Yes Or No?

This week, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith had to battle allegations they were separating after 13 years of marriage.

While they’ve now denied the reports thoroughly, gossips were wondering at the time: is this something to do with their bragging about their sex life in the press for over a decade?

The Smiths are the most famous exponents of sex-life bragging. In almost every interview, separately or together, they talk about their spicy, steamy, sensational bedroom antics all over Hollywood. After a while, interviewers started deliberately asking about their intimate details because they were so willing to spill about it.

The question is: is this appropriate, and did they protest too much?

If your sex life’s great, good for you. That’s fantastic. If it’s not so great, that’s not good, and you and your partner/s should work on it together. But if you’re in the habit of sharing every little bit with your girlfriends, you might want to stop and think about it.

If You’re Bragging

If you’re the Will and Jada of Sydney or Melbourne, congratulations!

However, telling everybody that you regularly steam up the windows of every place you go requires some thought.

The first question – is your partner (or your multiple partners) OK with it? After all, this is their business too, and perhaps they have different boundaries or more stringent ideas of privacy.

While some partners may like it when your friends are clearly apprised of how splendid they are in the sack – it is, after all, a compliment – you should still run it by them first, rather than mouthing off in great detail.

This may be an odd conversation, but it’s better to know exactly where both parties stand.

If you’re not in a committed relationship, the conversation may be a lot more awkward, and it’s probably going to be more down to your own decision than their protests about how much you share.

The general rule of thumb here is: if your friends (or whomever you’re sharing the information with) will likely not meet or judge this person, it’s probably OK to share. If they do know them, keep your mouth shut beyond vague mentions that things are good.

Also, have some respect for your friends’ own sex lives. If they’re going through a difficult patch, they may not really appreciate hearing about your four mind-numbing hours in a hot tub. And if they indicate that they simply don’t want to hear it, be sensitive to their wishes.

Plus, if you overdo it, people may not believe you. It’s often seen as a sign of insecurity to brag about how wonderful your sex life is, so examine your own motives before you blab – are you trying to paint an unrealistic picture?

A last word: Twitter or Facebook? No. Never. Mass emailings also have a slight tendency to go viral, so watch it.

If You’re Bemoaning

Sex life as stagnant as a petri dish?

Sharing this fact depends on a lot of things. One is whether or not you’re in a specific relationship which isn’t doing very well sexually. If you’re just in a drought, that’s an acceptable topic of conversation (though maybe not for hours and hours), but if your private life is suffering in the bedroom, your partner may be hurt if you publicise it.

Not having a great sex life isn’t something to complain about – it’s something to fix, proactively. Seek advice from doctors or sex therapists before you go to your friends – particularly if they’re liable to spread the news.

If you’re really at your breaking point, pick one person whom you can trust absolutely and who will give a good response, and don’t just dump it on them – ask if it’s OK if you share this with them.

Sex & The City was a great series, but it did create the ideal of women sharing all things about their sex life at all times, and it’s important to remember that your particular friendship and relationship dynamics don’t have to be like that. Nobody has to spill all to be a good friend.

Sex must always be respectful, and if gossiping will violate that respect, you shouldn’t do it. That’s the rule of thumb, ladies: stick to it.

Lady Friday xx

Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…