New research from casual dating site ForgetDinner shows that one in two Australians refuse to go on a second date with someone who swears like a sailor. Given that Australians aren’t exactly known for their formalities, this might come as a surprise but the fact is, in the dating world all the rules change.
Rule book aside, first dates are tough. You could be the most confident of career women, a fabulous fashionista or a multi-tasking mother and still fall to pieces at the idea of having to sit across the table from a potential love-interest for two hours.
With this in mind, it’s not surprising that we need to put in a little pre-date preparation. It’s time to put those butterflies to bed – Rescu. asked Howard James of ForgetDinner.com.au for more information on the biggest first date turn-offs and his best first date tips.
RESCU: Tell us a little more about the first date behaviours that really put people off.
Howard James: 1. Swearing: One in two Australians refuse to go on a second date with someone with a potty mouth. Women are found to be most offended by the use of obscenities with 48.3% saying this is enough to deny a guy a second chance. And ladies need to watch their mouth too with 39.3% of men declaring swearing to be the number one turn-off on a first date.
2. Mobile phones: 30.9% say they wouldn’t go on a second date with a cell phone junkie.
3. Tardiness: A surprisingly low number of people (2.9%) are put off by someone who keeps them waiting.
4. Negativity: 33.4% consider negativity a major turn off, so keep the food complaints and comments about your ex to a minimum. Research has proven that happiness is contagious and that potential dates find it hard to walk away from happy people.
5. Neediness: 27.4% of Aussies will refuse someone another chance at a date if they exhibit needy behavior. Surprisingly, women are more concerned by the thought of snagging a clingy partner than men, with 30% claiming this to be a major turn off, while only 22.6% of men fear a smothering woman.
6. Wild Behaviour: Aussies aren’t keen on dating someone who could be considered a ‘party animal’ either, with 12.4% claiming they wouldn’t give a wild date a second go.
7. Vanity: 23.3% of men and women would refuse someone a second date if they appeared to be vain or self absorbed.
8. Shy: Interestingly, the introverts rated high in the opinions of Aussie singles, with only 3.6% saying they would be concerned by a date that was ‘shy’.
RESCU: First dates are nerve-racking at best and disastrous at worst. What can we do pre-date to make the experience a little less scary?
Howard James: If you’re feeling nervous about meeting up with a date for the first time, a few very simple strategies can help to put you at ease.
1. Think positive: Dwelling on worse case scenarios is a big no no. It not only increases your nerves but puts you in a negative mind frame before your date even begins.
2. Expectations: Treating your date as a ‘future husband candidate’ will not only put some serious pressure on you to perform, it will set you up for bitter disappointment if things don’t go as planned. Try a ‘whatever happens, happens’ attitude next time – you’ll be surprised how much calmer you are!
3. Preparation: Gaps in conversation are a first daters worst nightmare. The best way to prepare for these is to think of conversations topics beforehand. It seems a little overeager (think writing conversation topics on the palm of your hand) but you’ll be seriously relieved when you have something to fall back on when the conversation dries up.
4. Breathe: A technique commonly offered by experts when discussing job interviews, taking six deep breaths just before you meet your date will help you to feel calm and more confident. It also provides your brain with the right amount of oxygen to be able to think clearly.
Besides, first dates can often be more intimidating and stressful than any job interview!
RESCU: More and more people are going online to meet a potential partner. Are there different rules for first dates following an online meeting?
Howard James: Online to offline dating is essentially identical to traditional dating. You do need to manage your expectations more carefully however. Establishing a relationship online before meeting someone will give you a predisposed idea of who they are and how they might behave, so be open to surprises!
RESCU: Finally, give us your top three tips for impressing on a first date (without being someone we’re not)
Howard James: 1. Eye contact, or a ‘copulatory gaze’: Prolonged eye contact is a crucial (and often very powerful) method for increasing attraction fast tracking rapport with your date.
2. Creating an instant link with your date can be achieved by dropping his or her name into conversation at least twice. Doing so demonstrates attentiveness and drives the connection between you.
3. Mirroring, or repeating someone’s body language is one of the best kept secrets in attraction. It acts as a metronomic gesture to show that you are synchronised, which also suggests sexual compatibility!
