The breakdown or break-up of a relationship is a universal topic. We have all wondered how we could have been so ‘off’ thinking a relationship was headed uphill only to find out otherwise.
Studies show that December 11th is the most popular day of the year for relationships to break-up.
Simone Milasas
The hustle and bustle of the holiday season can add extra stress and pressure which can result in tension between partners. With the infamous “dump month” fast approaching, these are some of the most common triggers that can lead to break-ups.
So What Are the Most Common Triggers That Cause Breakups During the Holiday Season?
1. Projections and Expectations
The projections and expectations we place on ourselves, our partners and our relationships can be one of the biggest break-up triggers. If you have the expectation of yourself or you try to appease the expectations of others by buying the perfect gifts, attending the many parties, cooking the perfect holiday dinner, you will likely end up stressed, unhappy and not much fun to be around. On the flip side, if you are placing expectations on others, of any kind, such as how much time they are to spend with you over the holidays, what is an acceptable gift or how much they should be helping you with what you have decided you must do, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Projecting and expecting anything creates separation, rejection, and judgement towards you, towards your partner and towards your relationship.
Expectations are based on the idea that you need someone else to be or do something for you. If you would like something greater, lose the expectations. Choose what is going to work for you and allow your partner to choose what will work for them. A great tool that you can use when you notice that you have expectations is a tool referred to as ‘Interesting Point of View’. The way this tool works is simple. Every time you notice that you have the point of view that you or your partner should or should not be doing something, say to yourself, “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” Say it until you feel lighter. What is occurring when you use this tool, is that all of the things you have decided are real and right and true and must be followed are nothing more than interesting which allows you to let them go.
2. Boredom
Do you remember when your relationship was new? Fun? Exciting? It is not uncommon for couples, after they have been together for a while, to stop creating their relationship and to start maintaining it. When the maintenance of a relationship starts, boredom sets in which often results in break-ups.
The first thing you have to get is that you are the one who can spice things up. Often when things are not as sensual, playful and fun as you would like them to be, you blame your partner. You expect them to know what you desire. You expect them to deliver. Give that up and start to look at what you could do differently.
How much fun could you have enticing your partner? What could you do to seduce them? You could go out to dinner or even walk around the house with no underwear on and whisper that into your partner’s ear. You could put on the short skirt and the high heels. Ask your partner if they would like to be blindfolded while you touch them, enjoying their beautiful body. Get creative. Have fun. Most of all, YOU choose and take action.
3. Not Being Truthful with Yourself
When was the last time you sat down and looked at what you desire as your life? Many couples fall into the rut of doing what they think their partner wants them to do, spending time with the people their partners are ok with, doing things that their partner likes to do so they can do them together. Stay in this rut for too long and you won’t even know what is true for you.
The idea that we have to give up ourselves and sacrifice to show someone we love them is a lie and will destroy your relationships. If you don’t have you in the relationship, it is not going to work. You have to start to ask, “What is true for me? What do I desire as my life?” Be brutally honest with yourself. Whatever you discover as you ask these questions, move forward with those things. What’s one action you can take each day that takes you closer to what you desire? Don’t be afraid to ask your partner these questions too and allow them the space to pursue whatever that is for them. This allows you to create the relationship together in a way that works for both of you; something I like to call creation-ship.
If you desire to have a creation-ship that is fun and adds to your life, start by telling yourself the truth about what you desire for you. Lose the expectations of you, your partner and your relationship and know that if you desire something different, something greater and something more fun, YOU are the one that creates it.
Simone Milasas is a relationship expert and co-author of Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One.
