By Kathryn Eisman, Relationship Expert
www.kathryneisman.com
If you’re pregnant or feeling ‘clucky’, make sure you read Kathryn Eisman’s thoughts on the love hurdles that couples can expect along the way to parenthood.
I recently returned home to Sydney to discover that most of my girlfriends are “up the duff”. Suffice it to say, “I know what they did last summer!”
Gone are the Miu Miu handbags, this season the only oversized accessory they seem interested in carrying is another human being in their belly. Conversations that up until just recently consisted of trading Christian Louboutin and ALDO shoes sales tips- now revolve around where to pick up a pair of Converse sneakers- size 0-3 months.
Gone were the devilish discussions of their sex life with their partner. By all accounts, it appears “nesting” is less about making love and more about making cup cakes- in pastel shades with fondant baby bottles and tiny silver sugar decorations.
I’ve attended numerous baby showers (and consumed said cupcakes) and it’s obvious that my friends’ relationships with their husbands or boyfriends have instantly gone to a new level. Across the crowded room, I’ve caught glimpse of them smiling at each other with a certain pride as if to say, “look at the little miracle we’ve created… aren’t we clever?”. It’s adorable watching them coo over tiny clothes and breast pumps, buying Volvos, and rubbing bellies with such anticipation that at any moment I fully expect a genie to pop out and grant me a wish.
Yes, it’s calming… but is it the calm before the storm? Do they know what a baby will do to those quiet nights sitting on the couch watching the latest Mad Men episodes? That the only thing getting anywhere near those engorged breasts for months will be baby’s famished lips? That if they ever boast of “sleeping together” it will mean literally that- a few stolen hours of synchronised rest?
I have little doubt that actress Christina Applegate and her proud father-to-be fiancé Martyn LeNoble (both pictured) are thinking about such things, at least not out loud. Having a baby is the most profound and deeply powerful bond a couple can share. But with as the saying goes, “with great power comes great responsibility”. So as a responsible pseudo-Aunt, I share with you the hurdles that couples might have to jump on the way to parenthood.
1) Vanity goes out the window
Remember the days when you wanted to look ‘perfect’ for your man? Well forget them, at least for the next few months. When your feet start swelling like ‘the blob’ and you can’t even see them over your belly- vanity disappears. Pleasure State bras are soon replaced with flesh coloured udder holders, as nipples swell to the size of small tea saucers and turn a charming shade of plum/brown. That tiny waist, for which you previously cut out carbs, soon begins to resemble the Goodyear Blimp. The body you thought you knew oh so well starts doing strange, loud, unspeakable things.
2) Wicks get shortened…OK!?
Newly wed and baby expert, Francesca Di Meglio warns;
“Babies cry during the night and parents – often mothers – have to get up to feed and soothe them. In the really early stages, you actually have to wake up the baby for feedings. Your sleeping patterns will be completely thrown off. Some babies grow out of this stage quickly, and others never do. You have no idea what you’re going to get, so it’s best to be prepared for either scenario.”
For a while at least, you’ll be living on less sleep, which will likely make you cranky and irritable. That’s why you’ll snap at each other more often. It’s nothing personal. It’s just what happens when you get little or no rest.
3) Team work is essential
At some point, probably in the early days of your baby’s life, he or she will be fussy and you’ll be at a loss for what to do. The two of you might have the urge to cry and scream along with the baby. But sooner or later, you’ll have to pull together to come up with a solution – something like singing a song that does the trick, calling grandma or the doctor for advice, or letting baby cry himself sleep.
Some parents might have other more serious problems that bring them together. Some women experience post-partum depression, which requires professional help from the medical community and support from your partner. (Get more information on post-partum depression here). Other medical problems of the mother or baby might also require extra care and attention. Sticking together will make things easier on both of you – and your baby.
4) You and your partner will stretch dollars like never before
The thought of paying for formula, food, diapers, class trips, clothes, and college will keep you up at night when the baby doesn’t. Staying in more and clipping coupons will become second nature. You’ll likely have the urge to start a savings account for the little one. Go with that!
5) You’ll fall in love with your man again
Maybe the baby will have your partner’s nose or your eyes. Or the baby will be pensive like dad, or happy like mum. The way the baby melds the best of both of you will help you remember what made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
You’ll be even more smitten the first time you catch your partner bonding with baby – baby clutching dad’s finger in his sleep, or giggling at mum. And your shared love for the little one will make you closer and give you more motivation than ever to make your relationship work well for years to come.
For more info on Kathryn, go to her official website: www.kathryneisman.com or follow her on Twitter.
