By Victoria Rollison
When you find out your man is cheating, sometimes not even the support and advice from your closest friends can help you. Here Rescu. helps you decide if the cheating is a bump in the road, or a deal breaker…
When to stay
Many successful relationships, and even marriages, have survived one bout of unfaithfulness. When you first find out he has cheated on you, your instinct will probably be to run as far away as possible. But if you really love him and you can’t bear to live without him, you may have to give him a chance to be forgiven.
If he is going to successfully get back into your good books, there are a few (quite a few) conditions he must fulfill:
1. He apologises sincerely and takes responsibility for what he did.
2. He promises NEVER to do it again. (If he has cheated before, skip ahead to the ‘when to leave’ advice below.)
3. He makes an effort to show you he loves you. eg he takes you on holiday, buys you a gift, or dotes on you more than he used to.
4. He is willing to talk about what lead him to be unfaithful and doesn’t blame you for his mistake.
5. He tells you as little or as much as you want to know about the other woman and the circumstances of the affair.
6. He understands that you will try to forgive, but you will never forget what he did.
7. He recognises that you will resent him for some time and that you may feel insecure and perhaps a little more jealous than you did before. He should be able to deal with this without it causing constant fighting.
If he is able to tick all these boxes, he is worth keeping and you have a good chance of getting past the infidelity.
And remember, you do need to forgive him and try not to let your resentment ruin your time together. You’ll be pissed off, but if you let this get in the way of your happiness, there is no point staying with him.
When to leave
Sometimes love can do crazy things people. No matter how much common sense you have, when it comes to the man you are in love with, it can be hard to see him for what he really is. But if he has cheated on you, no matter how much you love him, you might have to be strong and walk away for your own dignity, sanity and happiness.
So how do you know when it is right to leave and when it is worth sticking around to see if you can work things out? Basically, if he is unwilling to do all of the things listed above, the relationship is over. It’s not going to be easy, but in time, you will see he wasn’t the love of your life after all.
For more advice and support, see our previous article on cheating.
