You’re not alone.
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An astounding amount of women, particularly those who’ve only been with 1-3 partners, are unsure about the exact acts, situations and positions which satisfy them most.
It’s very important to know exactly what turns you on, curls your toes, drives you wild – because then you can request it, and make it happen again and again.
Here are RESCU’s top tips to learning what satisfies you in bed.
1. Change your routine.
If you’re not sure what satisfies you, and you’re doing the same old thing over and over again, you’re not giving yourself a chance to really find out the ins and outs of your own sexual nature.
A little bit of foreplay followed by missionary every time? No wonder you’re not clued in.
Start to change it up; incorporate more positions, props, aids or …
2. Educate yourself.
Think of this as the most rewarding science project you’ll ever do.
Find positions you think might be fun – the Karma Sutra is a good place to start – and investigate areas of sexuality you hadn’t otherwise seen, like fetish, kink, etc.
Take note of what gets you excited and try to imagine yourself in the situation.
Next time you’re in the sack, enact it – and if it’s not exactly what you’d planned, try, try again!
3. Stay focussed, but relax.
Women tend to panic if they’re not having the sex they think they ‘should’ be having.
News flash: you’re not Samantha Jones, and she’s a fictional character. Everybody has to learn their own body and ways of doing things.
When you’re in bed, be engaged; really pay attention to what your body responds to, and what leaves it cold.
But, most importantly, don’t freeze up or go clinical.
It’s possible that your panic about ‘not doing things properly’ is impeding your ability to be satisfied.
4. Do independent investigation.
You’re going to have to take matters into your own hands to understand what turns you on.
Invest in a decent vibrator or other private sex toy, and begin to masturbate if you don’t already.
And if you do, do it properly – with lighting, music, whatever.
Chances are that masturbation is the key to understanding what really floats your boat – so don’t regard it as a half-assed replacement for a partner. Treat it as a proper sexual act and you might learn something new.
5. Don’t be shy about asking for new things.
If your partner’s discovered what works for THEM, that’s great! Now you have the right to ask for a little experimentation to find something that works for you.
This is your chance to be supremely take-charge in bed. Don’t waste it.
Don’t be excessively aggressive – just make suggestions and know exactly what you want (no wishy-washy ‘maybe this, maybe that’ – do your homework).
Chances are you’ll find out new things pretty quickly.
6. Create a list.
Perhaps not a physical list – but have a solid mental idea of what really rocks your world.
Add to it, delete things which don’t fit any more, and make sure you always keep it in mind.
If you don’t keep track, it’s probably not fair to ask anybody else to remember either. We’re complicated people, and you know your own body best.
7. Don’t assume you’re the same as everybody else.
Got a friend who swears by anal/cock rings/feather boas? Congratulate her – but take it with a grain of salt.
Nobody’s sexual consciousness is exactly the same, so don’t fall into the trap of one-size-fits-all solutions.
We all have our little kinks and personal preferences; take on suggestions, but don’t assume you’re a failure or somehow ‘broken’ if they don’t provide a mind-blowing experience.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
