Ladies, being a feminist in the bedroom can seem difficult to sort out, particularly if you like being ‘dominated’.
Plus it can appear to be kind of irrelevant. What has women’s rights have to do with getting your rocks off?
Plenty, as it turns out.
What does being a bedroom feminist mean?
Feminism, as we should all know by now, doesn’t mean man-hating. (If you do think that, you need to go read some books.)
It means giving women equality – and that definitely includes in the bedroom.
Having rights between the sheets might seem like a trivial thing, but it’s that which lets you make choices about what you like and what demeans or upsets you.
It means you have the ability to make decisions on the same level as your partner. It also means being able to have a sexual identity outside just broad-brush male ideas of ‘what’s sexy’ – you know, pumped-up Maxim models and gyrating video girls.
You may like to do that too, but it’s a choice, not what HAS to happen.
Am I anti-feminist if I openly love sex?
Nope, of course not.
Being openly, awesomely sexual doesn’t mean you’re just becoming a tool for male fantasies, or being a ‘bad example’, or corrupting the children.
It means you like sex. Pure and simple. It doesn’t make you an object.
You have a lot to offer, and if you want to display your sexuality and be proud of it, that’s your choice. Short skirts? Go for it. Be positive about loving your body and yourself. And if you don’t want to display it, that’s fine too.
The key to being a feminist about it is to be aware that what you’re projecting and celebrating is YOUR love and enjoyment, rather than something which objectifies you. This can be a difficult thing to sort out, but it does deserve some thought.
And never shame anybody else for their sexuality. Unless it’s illegal, it’s pretty much none of your business.
Can I still like adult films?
The pornographic industry and feminism have a pretty explosive relationship.
Ultimately, it all comes down to personal choice. The problem with a lot of adult films is that they aren’t really made for women. They’re all about men getting off, and women suffer because of that.
However, what turns you on is what turns you on, and nobody can make you feel ashamed of it. If you’re having issues with it, read up on feminist attitudes to porn and see what you think – or make some brilliant by-women for-women adult films.
We need some of those!
What if I like being dominated/BDSM?
There’s nothing inherently non-feminist about changing power roles in bed. If anything, it’s a fun way to experiment with who’s in charge. You aren’t a bad feminist if you like being told what to do.
Plus, ultimately feminism is about being free to make choices. If you freely consent to enter into a domination scenario, and you get pleasure from it, nobody needs to feel guilty.
Lady Friday xx
Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
