This week, Lady Friday wants to know: can edibles and the bedroom mix? You might be surprised at what she finds out.
The idea of sexy foods in the bedroom is one of the oldest clichés there is. Aphrodisiacs – named for Aphrodite, good old goddess of love – have been the food industry’s great money-maker since, oh, the Byzantines. Food and sex are two of life’s joys – so why not combine them?
Being the kind soul that I am, I’ve rounded up the best foods for the bedroom – and the ones you should banish to languish in your pantry, for the sake of your own health. Take heed!
Before The Bedroom
- Oysters are one of the biggest draws for stimulating the sexual appetite (ha ha). It’s said Casanova ate 50 every day. Their high zinc levels do increase sperm count, but beyond that, it’s all hearsay – but the sensuality of eating them might be enough to quiet any sceptics.
- Chocolate, according to scientific reports, actually contains two chemicals which aid in arousal. Have at it.
- Science aside, seek out messy, sticky sweet finger-food, plump fruit, and other foods which allow you to use your fingers and tongue. Sensuality is all in the mind, ladies and gentlemen – and this allows you to be more inventive than strawberries-and-champagne.
Between The Sheets
- Yes, all right, whipped cream is fine – but what about honey, or caramel, or smooth chocolate? The good thing about the latter is that many places make chocolate body paint which is specially designed for sexy times. If you’re feeling really decadent, go for the Cointreau Chocolate Body Paint from Melbourne’s Chocolate Box.
- Think about sensation foods. Kiss with champagne bubbles in your mouth; use ice lollies; rub a peach skin softly against theirs. Get the most out of your culinary carnality.
Absolute No-Go Zones
- This may seem like a particularly silly thing to say, but please don’t insert foreign food objects anywhere they weren’t intended by nature to go. A potential orgasm is NOT worth the trip to the emergency room to remove a rogue carrot.
- Please be careful using sugary substances (cream, honey, etc), fruits, jellies or anything with glucose anywhere near your/your partner’s downstairs area. Sugar and your inner workings do not mix at all, and I really don’t suggest you find out exactly how.
- Spicy foods are, obviously, a really bad idea, as are potentially allergy-stimulating treats. Anaphylactic shock is shortly under ‘beheading’ in the List Of Least Sexy Things On Earth.
- Nothing which can get crumbs into places that are decidedly not crumb-friendly is a good idea. Same with nuts, sprinkles or powdered sugar. Your partner is not Sunday brunch and you are not a pancake.
- Don’t use oil if you’re having protected sex with a condom, for the very good reason that oil can break down condom material, which is hardly the kind of sexy surprise you want.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
