Angelina Jolie gracefully revealed her double mastectomy to a shocked world – and immediately people started discussing how it affected her ‘sex symbol’ status. Breast cancer will happen to 1 in 11 Australian women. The good news? Mastectomies change your intimate life, but don’t have to hurt it. Lady Friday explains…
The second Angelina Jolie wrote that now-famous op ed in the New York Times about her choice to have a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, blogs started appearing wondering if she was still ‘sexy’, like she had been as Lara Croft or Mrs Smith.
Chances are, intimacy was at the very back of her mind when Jolie made her decision to have preventative surgery – but feeling feminine and sexually attractive is still important, even when your health is a paramount concern.
The bottom line? Surgery is not sexy, but post-mastectomy bodies are – and nobody should tell you any different.
Given that about 1 in 11 Australian women will get breast cancer, this isn’t a small thing. A common worry for women undergoing mastectomies is what will happen afterwards – to their perceptions of their own attractiveness, to their partners’ appetites, to their sensitivity and libido, all sorts of things.
So here’s the lowdown. Mastectomy – the complete removal of the breast, with either an implant to replace it or no breasts at all – is a progressive surgery that takes months. Jolie’s took from February to May. That’s heavy duty, not something that will leave you OK and ready for a roll in the hay the day after.
Afterwards, doctors are against any activity that might hurt after any major surgery – but sex isn’t often on that list. As long as it’s gentle and considerate, it’s all about when you feel ready.
However, after months of surgery, bruising and scarring, it’s perfectly normal to feel self-conscious, incredibly aware of your own body and distrustful of your wounds. Studies show that it takes several weeks for post-mastectomy patients to be vaguely comfortable feeling sexual again.
First of all, it’s important to be comfortable with your new body. Spend time looking at it, recognising how it feels under your own hands, and understanding what movements hurt and where things can’t be touched.
It can be very difficult to look at your boobs, whether replaced by implants or simply absent (your choice), and see them as desirable things for groping or hoisting into lingerie, as opposed to tender, traumatised things. This transition can take a while.
Libidos are also often changed by radical traumatic surgery. Be prepared to simply not feel like getting busy for a while as your body readjusts to its new realities.
The good news? The importance of breasts as an erogenous zone differs massively from woman to woman. If they weren’t particularly sensitive or essential to the act before, their absence won’t greatly affect pleasure afterwards.
If they were a source of pleasure, now is the time to explore other erogenous zones. It’s been mooted that other body parts might get more sensitive as a result of an absence of breast tissue, though nobody’s done any scientific studies yet – but the insides of the thighs, the back, the neck and other areas are definitely open for exploration.
One expert on mastectomies has likened post-masectomy sex to adolescent sex – you’re starting all over again, uncertain, unsure and prone to doing a lot of exploratory fumbling. This can be a negative or a positive: try to make it a chance to renew and have fun.
Talk to your partner, if there’s one on the scene, about your body and how you’re feeling, and what they see. Anecdotal evidence shows that often partners are more scared to get intimate than post-surgical women, as they’re afraid of hurting you – it needs lots of reassurance and teamwork to get going again.
Above all, don’t worry – orgasms aren’t perpetually off the menu, you haven’t lost your sex appeal, and chances are you’ve got years of being alluring ahead of you.
It takes time, cooperation and a lot of sensitivity, but sex post-mastectomy can be just as astounding as it was before -and perhaps even more so, as you respect your body for how strong and amazing it is.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
