Heard about a dangerous kink you’d like to try? Lady Friday wants you to just say no (or at least read this first.)
Ladies, I’m up for a great deal of experimentation. However, there are some moves so dangerous, uncomfortable or profoundly stupid that even I must draw the line.
1) Auto-erotic asphyxiation
The list of casualties for this dangerous act is peppered with famous names, Michael Hutchence and David Carradine among them. Yet for some reason it continues to enjoy a kind of underground popularity.
Auto-erotic asphyxiation involves depriving the body of oxygen until the mind reaches a kind of erotic ‘nirvana’ state. The problem is that it’s done sans partner, though asphyxiation done in pairs is only slightly safer.
The possibilities for this to go wrong (brain damage, organ failure or death) vastly outweigh the potential sexy outcomes. Stay as far away from it as possible.
2) Inserting anything with sugar or food stuffs
This is just plain common sense, but you wouldn’t believe how many people toy with their internal balances of chemicals by inserting unhygienic foreign objects into orifices that aren’t meant to accept them.
Chocolate bars, door knobs, wine glasses, cucumbers – if it doesn’t have a latex sheath and hopefully some water-based lubricant on it, it will cause problems like you wouldn’t believe. Infection is the very least of it: internal organs can tear or swell from undue pressure. In other words, stick to custom-made sex toys from trusted retailers and don’t go looking around your shed.
3) Knives
Angelina Jolie raised a few eyebrows when she mentioned this particular kink. People who use knives in the bedroom generally aren’t using them threateningly – they talk about rubbing the flat metal on skin, or causing very light cuts.
The problem, of course, is that in sexual situations you aren’t really as focussed as you normally would be. The potential for accidents is incredibly high, and nothing’s less sexy than a trip to the emergency room. Sex is no place for sharp edges – please keep the knives in the kitchen.
4) Non-consensual bondage, restraint or anything which is potentially harmful
This is not only a bad idea, but also illegal. If you want to indulge in any sexual act which might hurt or cause psychological pain to your partner, you need their consent. Beforehand. No ‘springing it on them as a surprise.’ This includes such apparently harmless stuff as pinning their arms down during sex or tying them up.
Always, always, always ask. I don’t care if they tell you that you don’t need to. Ask anyway.
5) Blood play
Need I even tell you why this is a poor plan? Blood play, in case the term is not familiar, is the practise of introducing blood into sexual practise, via cutting, licking, drinking or using the blood as a lubricant (a spectacularly bad idea, might I add).
Life is too short to catch fluid-carrying diseases, particularly Hepatitis C and other conditions spread by blood-to-blood contact. If you want to play vampire, get some red-coloured lubricant from a sex shop; don’t go any further than that.
Lady Friday xx
Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
