This week, Lady Friday is doing something a little special – and it’ll have you all tied up with excitement…
Our guest this week is an expert on the art of shibari, a particular kind of Japanese bondage which has become very popular in the West. She’s here to give Rescu. the scoop on the hows, whys and wherefores of shibari practise. Want to use rope in the bedroom, but need something a little more stimulating than Girl Scout knots? Read on…
Lady Friday: How were you first introduced to shibari?
Expert: Thirty seconds, maybe, of some late-night SBS documentary: full suspension, an elaborate criss-crossing of ropes across a beautiful body, the creak of hemp in the silence. I was completely entranced by the care and artistry involved in binding the lucky subject, and the aesthetically appealing result.
I didn’t think about it much until years later someone invited me to take a shibari workshop. As if you wouldn’t.
LF: What distinguishes it from other types of bondage?
E: There are a few elements. The doubled rope (often known as the lark’s head, though this is really only when the rope passes back through the loop, like a luggage tag) is the most distinct element.
Quite elaborate set-ups will use very few actual knots, since shibari structures rely mostly on tension.
Serious shibari practitioners often favour assymetrical bondage because it is more psychologically challenging to the j?jun (person being bound).
Some people happily mix it up with other elements of bondage and S&M (cuffs, collars, leather, latex, clamps, gags, masks and so on), but that isn’t necessary.
LF: What are the main advantages?
E: There’s a certain iconic simplicity to it. Hello Penelope Pitstop and Penny Gadget.
The only equipment required is lengths of rope – simple, affordable and extremely versatile.
A good shibari instructor will encourage the person tying the ropes to concentrate on the aesthetic experience of being tied: how to keep the tension even in the rope, manage the extra lengths of rope so they don’t get tangled, and manage the j?jun’s posture and balance through every step of the more elaborate set-ups. This creates a powerfully meditative atmosphere for both the shibari practitioner and the j?jun.
Very elaborate and imaginative set-ups can be developed from a few very simple basics. This makes it easy to manage safety issues and to get enjoyment from this practice even as a newbie.
LF: What equipment do you need?
E: Rope, obviously. Some people mix it up by including lengths of bamboo; shibari often involves partial or complete suspension, and that requires suspension equipment.
Shibari rope needs to be high friction in order for many of the set-ups to work, so synthetics are often avoided in favour of treated jute, cotton etc.
LF: What are the most common types of ties?
E: I don’t know what they’re called – there are lots of really good shibari tutorial websites. Personally I like shinju (note: LINK NSFW) because it’s easy and effective, and body weaves like kikkou and karada because they’re easy and ridiculously pretty.
And – bonus – 7 metres of silk rope is a hell of a lot cheaper than a La Perla set. And you can’t go past the simple, safe, quick-tie, quick-release wrist and angle binds.
LF: What are possible hazards/aspects new practitioners should know about?
E: Shibari ties naturally encourages the sub to squirm and strain against the ropes. It is therefore EXTREMELY important not to tie knots that tighten on struggling, and not to apply pressure to areas where it could be dangerous, like the blood vessels that run up the insides of the arms and legs and the sides of the neck.
For this reason, I recommend people who are interested in pursuing shibari buy a decent book on the topic or, if possible, attend a hands-on tutorial run by an experienced practitioner. Google “shibari workshop + name of your city”. In Sydney, a US-based shibari teacher called Satomi runs classes a few times a year through a group called Uber.
Gracefulness is important to building atmosphere during actual play, but nobody would expect to do a new tie perfectly the first time around. Practise first – even in front of the television.
If you really want to surprise your partner, get a friend to be your practice buddy. I find it’s pretty easy to find someone to agree to that, because meanwhile, you’re teaching them how to do a little shibari.
Shibari doesn’t have to be complicated. Most people will want to have a few simple means of restraining a partner now and then. I think shibari should be in everybody’s box of tricks, if only for the simplest wrist and ankle holds.
Shibari restraints are quick to tie, quick-release, safe and of easily adjustable length, which makes them much more conducive to spontaneous, comfortable play than trying to improvise restraints out of scarves, neckties etc on the fly. And they are more adaptable and comfortable than cuffs with rigid components, locks, catches etc., and I promise, they’re really not that much harder to master.
Also, ropes will get through airport security.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday
