Ladies, it is my duty to inform you that you no longer have a simple choice between rampaging jungle and bald as an egg. You can now get any manner of things done to your intimate areas – decorative, erotic, practical or otherwise.
Rescu. are here to help you pick an option that suits you, your lifestyle and your underwear.
Vajazzling
I’ve spoken about this practise before, and if you haven’t heard of it I am actually quite happy for you. Jennifer Love Hewitt made it popular after extolling its virtues on television, which should warn you straight away that this is not for women who like things practical and non-feminine. It consists of shaving off everything, and then having a series of sequins, glitter and jewels applied with glue by a professional in a pattern of your choosing. (Note: they do not do anything to the labia or actual clitoral regions, because that would be silly.)
The result lasts 3 to 5 days, and may cause scratching during intercourse if you’re not careful. (Hair regrowth is simply part of the package.) To each their own, of course, but do get it professionally if you can, and be prepared for expressions of slight disbelief when you reveal that the area between your legs is now a disco ball.
Piercings
There’s a more extensive guide to this here, but rest assured that, if you do your homework and go to an experienced piercer, it is possible to have a permanent, metal accompaniment to your intimate areas. The risks are the same as any other piercing, though with more chance of infection or discomfort due to the added sensitivity and fluids.
Vattoos
Vattoos (I would like to point out that I don’t make up the names) are apparently the ‘next big thing’ for women who’ve tried vajazzling and decided it was uncomfortable or downright daft. Temporary tattoos are airbrushed onto completely bare pudenda, lasting 5 or so days. They’re expensive, but if you’re considering it, don’t be tempted to do it on your own with a Kmart pack of transfers and a razor. That won’t end well.
Brazilians
Sex and the City was, for once, behind the curve when it featured Carrie’s accidental Brazilian late in the show’s run. Samantha, the show’s resident sexual animal, was a fan, but warned that it could change her: ‘Be careful who you invite to Brazil!’ Brazilians – the act of denuding oneself entirely of pubic hair – are convenient, if difficult to maintain (being continually bare requires frequent waxing appointments), and have been popular for ages, particularly among women who want no fuss and wear very filmy underwear.
Shaping
Carmen Kass appeared in a Gucci ad in 2003 with a G shaved into her crotch, and in the ensuing controversy pubic hair-shaping became a big new thing. Hearts, letters, abstract shapes – you can get the Olympic rings if you have a sufficiently skilled waxer at work. It takes careful maintenance if you’d like it to last, but as a temporary message it’s fun (as long as it doesn’t spell SOS).
Mohicans
Apparently this trend was started by David Beckham’s decision to sport one on his head. A variation on the Las Vegas Strip (which is basically what it sounds like), it means growing the unshaved hair long and – for fun – styling it into small spikes. This is most definitely for girls with a sense of humour.
Dye
If you’ve ever wanted to undress to reveal a shock of brightly-coloured hair that’s decidedly not a natural shade, there’s a series of dyes for you. Betty sells all kinds of mad colours, and it can be your little punky secret. Beware of bleaching, and always use rubber gloves and care while dying.
Merkin
Think of it as a toupee for your intimate area. Merkins are difficult to source, but can be a cheeky and sweet alternative to fancy underwear or crystal-encrusted skin – particularly if you get a decidedly odd one. Not for women who take themselves exceedingly seriously, and not generally to be worn under clothing.
Untamed
In her early modelling days Abbey Lee Kershaw has appeared nude in several pictorials, all of which feature her decidedly un-manicured pubic hair. At the time, this was ‘startling’, ‘refreshing’ or ‘a shock’, depending on which fashion insider you talk to – but it was a surefire sign that women who don’t want to spend their time trimming an area that’s rarely seen except by themselves and their partners are once again fashionably accepted. It’s no longer the realm of the 1970s, so-called rabid feminists or unwashed hippies – leaving yourself unclipped is back.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
