Want to try the rougher side of sensuality? Have no fear – Lady Friday’s here to guide your way…
Note: the majority of the links in this post are utterly NSFW. Exercise caution.
So you’ve seen Angelina Jolie playing dominatrix in Mr And Mrs Smith, or watched Maggie Gyllenhaal make tea in a spreader bar in Secretary, and decided you’d like to explore the kinky side of things?
Well, pay attention. Kink encompasses a whole galaxy of play: bondage, domination and submission, fantasy, punishment, and many more. From the most innocent blindfolds-and-silk scarves bedroom scenarios to the Saint Andrew’s Cross, there’s a little room for kink in everybody.
Why go the kinky route? Human sensuality ain’t just about missionary. Kink takes psychological and sexual pressure points and pushes them, deepening the unique bond between partners. It’s a way to explore the limits of your personal eroticism, and it’s not just for Madonna or hardcore participants in Mardi Gras.
If you’re just starting out, congratulations – it’s a brave new world. But take it as slowly as is comfortable, be hygienic, and always have a trustworthy partner who’ll keep things within your boundaries and stop immediately when you ask them to.
Many people enter kink via sensory deprivation and restriction. That’s being blindfolded and tied up or restrained, to you and me. When you can’t do everything you want to do in a sexual scenario – see, move limbs or make a noise, for instance – other pleasurable sensations can be heightened. This is the time when people begin to discover their bedroom personalities: whether they like to be the one tied up, the one doing the tying, or a little of both.
It doesn’t have to be intimidating. Go look at the introductory bondage kits available at Babeland. You may feel a little silly, but sexuality doesn’t have to be deadly serious all the time.
A piece of advice for beginners: if you’d like your methods of restraint (say, handcuffs) to be non-painful to begin with, please do your research. I’ve heard horror stories of people picking up $5 costume handcuffs at costume stores and ending up with unintentionally skinned wrists. Fluffy cuffs are a cliché, but Ti makes beautifully soft leather ones for the fashionista in you.
The next ‘level’, as it were, is the introduction of mild pain – which is where riding crops (I love Babeland’s cute little love-heart one), nipple clamps, whips and paddles come in handy. Apparatus isn’t necessary, here – a bite or long nails along the skin are just as useful – but you may want to invest if you’d like to try some serious play.
From there, you can go wherever you like, if you so choose. Unleash your performance-hungry side with some outfits. Take a class in Shibari, the Japanese art of erotic bondage – and yes, it is absolutely necessary to be trained for things that are potentially dangerous. Explore pleasurable sensations beyond just skin-on-skin, with feathers, metal, leather, PVC and rubber. Indulge your dominating or submissive side. Feel free; nobody will judge you.
If you’re going to get kinky, though, please remember two things: consent and safety. Research what you don’t understand, and if you’re looking for a little instruction, you can always pop along to a dungeon and receive guidance from the experts..
