One of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to relationships is loving other people the way we want and need to be loved, rather than loving them in the way they want and need to be loved. And I don’t just mean romantic relationships; this mistake applies to all our relationships from family to friends to colleagues.
By Christine Hassler.
Think about our various priorities and preferences when it comes to what we like to eat, what kind of music we like to listen to, our pleasures, leisure activities and so on. Similarly, we also have priorities and preferences when it comes to how we give and receive love. A lot of the time we make the mistake of expressing love to someone else according to our priorities and preferences. And we expect to receive that same kind of love back – which often leads to an Expectation Hangover®.
This becomes a MAJOR issue because we are so busy loving others the way we want to be loved while they are loving us the way they want to be loved that no one feels loved the way they truly want and need!
I have a few EASY fixes to this love mismatch.
First, find out how the people you love truly feel loved and express love. You will discover super simple things you can do that will fill their love tank in a way they will appreciate. It’s equally important to learn how they give love because they may be doing things to express their love for you that is flying under your radar because you are only looking for love in the form you give it!! Asking anyone you love these simple questions will totally increase your connection with them:
1. How do you feel loved by me?
2. What are the things I do that make you feel loved?
3. What are the things I say?
4. Is there anything you’d like from me that would reassure you and make you feel even more loved by me?
5. What are your favorite ways to express your love to me?
6.What kind of things do you feel most inspired to do or say?
Next, check out the work of the Five Love Languages, which says there are five ways that we feel love and all of us have one or two that we are most “fluent” in. The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation – Receiving verbal acknowledgment, affirmation, validation; spoken expressions of feelings
Receiving Gifts – Getting physical things from loved ones
Acts of Service – Love is felt when someone does something for us
Affection – Feel most connected with physical touch and adoration
Quality time – Spending uninterrupted, focused time with loved ones.
Our particular love language also tends to be the way we express love. For me, one of my top two love languages is Acts of Service, so a lot of the time I express my love for others by doing things for them. This is totally great unless the person I am doing something for has a love language of receiving gifts or affection. If I constantly do things for them, rather than buy them gifts or give them hugs, they won’t feel as loved – even though that isn’t the case.
It’s so CRUCIAL to learn what love language those whom you love speak. Who knows what level it can take your relationship to If you go to https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ you can take the FREE quiz to find out your love language (don’t assume you know what it is without taking the quiz). Then I HIGHLY encourage you send the link to your loved ones and ask them to take the quiz as well. Share your results with them and ask they share theirs with you. It’s actually a lot of fun and you get to know yourself and your loved ones a little better. After all, we want to make the people we care about in our life feel appreciated and what a better way to do this than expressing our love for them, to them effectively.
Remember not to make ANY assumptions when it comes to love.
You can get the love you want, but you can’t expect others to be mind-readers.
By adjusting your love language towards others you can give them the love they want and you feel.
The more willing you are to communicate and adjust, the more love you will feel all around you. This is not about being wrong or right, it’s just becoming aware of how we communicate our love. We’re all different and we all experience love in different ways.
Your most cherished relationships (of all kinds) are worth the effort, don’t you think?
And YOU are worth all the love you desire, too!!!
By Christine Hassler
https://www.christinehassler.com/
