Image via Lonny.com
This month, Miss Manners shows you the tricks of being the host with the happiest guests in town – 1950s fixed smile not required.
Invite people who will interact well.
There are some guests who come to parties and immediately dampen the mood, either because they’re chronic fun-killers or because they’re just not inclined to socialise.
If you must invite these people, try to invite others who share their interests, or at least people who are good listeners and will spend time with them.
And, if you’re sure this won’t offend them, try to draw them out, either by introducing them to people or by sending people over to check that they’re OK.
Greet everybody if you can.
Being a host is a back-breaking job. At least at the start of the party, keep yourself near or around the door, so you can quickly catch up with everybody who’s coming in.
That way you can avoid the passive-aggressive ‘I turned up to your party and didn’t even see you!’ messages the next day.
Make sure everybody’s satisfied, and keep checking on them through the evening.
Circulating has two purposes: making the party flow, and endeavouring to see that everybody has a drink, isn’t crying, and is having fun.
If a nasty argument is happening, break it up. If somebody’s prominently without a drink, fetch them one – or send somebody to fetch it for them. Take care of your guests on a basic level – the rest they can do themselves.
Don’t stress out.
Not enough people turning up? Wine corked? Sandwiches curiously mouldy?
It’s OK! It honestly is. People will look to you to dictate the reaction, so if you just shrug and have a good time anyway, they’ll relax. It’s OK to take a couple of minutes to calm down if you’re feeling the pressure.
If you forget a name, admit it.
Miranda Priestly you aren’t. If you haven’t got two minions to help you remember names, just be fabulously graceful about it. Don’t admit that it’s a name you haven’t remembered since 1982 – pretend it’s a momentary brain-freeze with the stress of the party. Hopefully they should step up.
And if they’re offended, apologise as much as seems necessary. Fortunately, people these days largely introduce themselves without waiting for your help!
Spread yourself around.
If there’s one person whom you haven’t seen since they had an astonishing marriage to a Count in a hot-air balloon in 1999, resist the urge to spend all night talking to them in a corner.
As host, it’s not polite to cloister yourself, or get so drunk you can’t cope with socialising. Once the party starts to wind down, you can pull them aside for a nice long chat – but when it’s still in full swing, keep circulating.
This goes for any celebrity guests, who probably hate fawning. Keep off.
Introduce people without forcing it.
The horrible Bridget Jones model – ‘this person, X, enjoys water-skiing and brush painting’, is thankfully no longer applicable, but know your audience.
If they’re two career-centred dynamos, mention their jobs; if they’re ardent mothers, mention babies; if they have nothing in common whatever, just tell one how long you’ve known the other, or leave them to discover each other for themselves.
Yours sincerely,
Miss Manners
