Inspired by Sam and Sasha’s love story from The Bachelorette , are you ready to head over the New Zealand and declare your love from the hills? Problem is you’re single and sitting on the couch. Modern dating is a minefield and finding the one who’s not only going to like you’re profile, but love the girl behind the handle, is a 2015 dilemma. I know, I’m a modern girl.
I can use a GPS with the best of them, internet shopping thanks the heavens it met me and I definitely know how to spot a keeper from a player on tinder. However, there are some times when I just want to put on a bonnet and go live in the 18th century. Dealing with modern dating etiquette is one of those times.
“Call after three days; don’t call at all; never text; text rather than calling; send only short emails for the first two months; never sign emails with an ‘x’ until you’ve actually kissed” – if Rhett Butler had to deal with this rubbish, he’d have given up on Scarlett O’Hara forty pages in. What with internet dating, speed dating, and 40,000 new ways in which to contact one another, the idea of hard and fast rules to the world’s oldest game seems virtually impossible.
Still, one way to distinguish yourself from the pack – and it is a pack – is to proceed with a little politeness. Manners translates, very simply, just to making an effort. In dating, that matters.
‘Waiting three days to call’ is archaic rubbish. (I tend to sit in movies like He’s Just Not That Into You and yell at the characters for being stupid. This is not the 1950s, ladies. Nobody’s stopping you.) Just use your common sense. Even if the date went miserably, it’s still polite to thank them for their time within the next few days, even if you leave it open-ended. If you’ve made the immediate decision that this isn’t going to work, a call is much nicer than a text or email, and far less cowardly.
Here’s the thing. Calls are always more significant than electronic conversation. Even if you have a voice like a wildebeest, or Fran Drescher’s nasal passages. If you’ve got something important to say – asking them out, letting them down gently, apologising for accidentally standing them up – do it over the phone.
That said, only call at convenient times when you suspect they can talk freely. Work emails are also not entirely risk free in this regard. A friend of mine was once driven completely insane by a man peppering her work email with cute communication while she was trying to ask her manager for a raise.
This is not to say I’m completely anti-texting. Texting when you’re running late to a date is excellent manners, preferably with an E.T.A. If you’re over 25, though, please leave abbreviations, inappropriate lower-case, and swearing to teenagers. The person you’re dating is always worth a full sentence as opposed to ‘cya’.
There is, to be honest, only one absolute cardinal rule when it comes to politely navigating electronic dating etiquette: Be Alert But Not Alarmed. Anything goes these days – some people conduct entire relationships over web cam, for god’s sake. However, a person with sense is alert (open to signals that they’re being a pest, invading space, or making the other person uncomfortable) without being alarmed (panicking at the first minute sign of trouble and texting ‘Sorry’ for two hours). See the difference?
Oh, and don’t do anything stupid with your Facebook Relationship Status. Manners these days are mostly about making life easy for you and people around you, but they also give you a bit of poise, a tinge of gracious mystery. Telling 400 people you’re In A Relationship with somebody who wasn’t consulted is not gracious mystery. At all.
“Call after three days; don’t call at all; never text; text rather than calling; send only short emails for the first two months; never sign emails with an ‘x’ until you’ve actually kissed” – if Rhett Butler had to deal with this rubbish, he’d have given up on Scarlett O’Hara forty pages in. What with internet dating, speed dating, and 40,000 new ways in which to contact one another, the idea of hard and fast rules to the world’s oldest game seems virtually impossible.
Still, one way to distinguish yourself from the pack – and it is a pack – is to proceed with a little politeness. Manners translates, very simply, just to making an effort. In dating, that matters.
‘Waiting three days to call’ is archaic rubbish. (I tend to sit in movies like He’s Just Not That Into You and yell at the characters for being stupid. This is not the 1950s, ladies. Nobody’s stopping you.) Just use your common sense. Even if the date went miserably, it’s still polite to thank them for their time within the next few days, even if you leave it open-ended. If you’ve made the immediate decision that this isn’t going to work, a call is much nicer than a text or email, and far less cowardly.
Here’s the thing. Calls are always more significant than electronic conversation. Even if you have a voice like a wildebeest, or Fran Drescher’s nasal passages. If you’ve got something important to say – asking them out, letting them down gently, apologising for accidentally standing them up – do it over the phone.
That said, only call at convenient times when you suspect they can talk freely. Work emails are also not entirely risk free in this regard. A friend of mine was once driven completely insane by a man peppering her work email with cute communication while she was trying to ask her manager for a raise.
This is not to say I’m completely anti-texting. Texting when you’re running late to a date is excellent manners, preferably with an E.T.A. If you’re over 25, though, please leave abbreviations, inappropriate lower-case, and swearing to teenagers. The person you’re dating is always worth a full sentence as opposed to ‘cya’.
There is, to be honest, only one absolute cardinal rule when it comes to politely navigating electronic dating etiquette: Be Alert But Not Alarmed. Anything goes these days – some people conduct entire relationships over web cam, for god’s sake. However, a person with sense is alert (open to signals that they’re being a pest, invading space, or making the other person uncomfortable) without being alarmed (panicking at the first minute sign of trouble and texting ‘Sorry’ for two hours). See the difference?
Oh, and don’t do anything stupid with your Facebook Relationship Status. Manners these days are mostly about making life easy for you and people around you, but they also give you a bit of poise, a tinge of gracious mystery. Telling 400 people you’re In A Relationship with somebody who wasn’t consulted is not gracious mystery. At all.
