Children learn how to communicate and express themselves and their feelings from their parents when they are very young. This often sets them up for life.
If they witness mum or dad expressing anger by yelling, throwing or hitting something or someone, this tells the child that anger equals aggression. It shows them when we get really angry we yell, hit and throw. Of course when our child displays these behaviours, we yell at them or punish them – how confusing for our children.
Never smack a child for hitting; never yell at a child for yelling. This is the behaviour they will learn to respond with. Occasionally we will as parents loose it and act out however as soon as the episode passes it is a good idea to raise awareness of that reaction to both your partner and children and apologise for the outburst and let them know what better way you could have, and perhaps should have, responded. This shows our children that sometimes we can make a mistake, be aware of it and make changes. A very valuable learning experience indeed.
We parents need to understand that there is parent business and child business. Any conflict within our relationship is strictly parent (adult) business and should never infringe on our children, even though it of course will to a degree. The only thing children need to experience is mum and dad love them, even though mum and dad may be unhappy with the other parent right now.
Using our language correctly can deflate and guide a person towards what it is we want from them. I am an advocate on the words perhaps, would or could. It is surprising if you request a person to could you perhaps do this or that, they feel it is their choice and often they will do it. If however you asked, will you do this, we humans sometimes feel that is a direction and we may baulk. Even though it is the same request it is worded differently.
Watch the video below for more parenting advice in language and communication.
