With Julia Gillard’s parliamentary attack on misogyny going viral and Lena Dunham’s hit show Girls spreading a whole new brand of Girl Power, gender equality is a hot topic for 2013. It was even been named the theme for this year’s International Women’s Day.
When we think gender equality these days, we are more likely to think about the workforce or domestic roles than about the basic ways we interact with our partners. Yet a new survey by infidelity site Victoria Milan found that it is in our relationships that many of us feel unequal.
By Michelle Balogh.
The survey asked members of the site what they felt their role was in their relationship. Whilst 55% of men saw themselves as having an independent and modern (equal) role in their relationships, only 33% of women felt the same way. ‘Australia has a female Prime Minister, a female Governor-General and females in many other important jobs but two thirds of Aussie women think their role in a relationship is not equal to that of their man,’ said Mark Worwood, Australian Country Manager of Victoria Milan.
Whilst us girls should be sticking together when it comes to our work and public rights, it seems we need to turn a little attention to our love lives too. It may be time to direct conversation at home towards leveling the playing field, communicating what we want in terms of sharing day-to-day responsibilities and even basic affection.
In addition to household and financial responsibilities, Christine Hassler says that one of the main causes of relationship imbalance is miscommunication. The relationship expert explains that the biggest mistake that most of us are making in our relationships is loving our partners the way that we want to be loved, rather than the way that they want to be loved. It’s back to that classic dilemma, men are from mars, women are from venus – but bridging the gap might not be as hard as it seems.
According to Hassler, each of us has our own preference as to how we would like to be loved, preferring one of five widely accepted ‘love languages’:
- Words of Affirmation – Receiving verbal acknowledgment, affirmation, validation; spoken expressions of feelings
- Receiving Gifts – Getting physical things from loved ones
- Acts of Service – Love is felt when someone does something for us
- Affection – Feel most connected with physical touch and adoration
- Quality time – Spending uninterrupted, focused time with loved ones
The trouble is, most of us are showing love for our partners using the wrong one. “This becomes a major problem because we are so busy loving others the way we want to be loved while they are loving us the way they want to be loved that no one feels loved the way they truly want and need!” says Hassler.
The solution? Make no assumptions! Sit down with your partner and do some investigating – find out all the things you can do that make them feel most loved by you. The bonus is that by talking about it, you’ll end up feeling more loved too. This way you can enhance balance in your relationship, making you feel more secure, stable and above all, equal.
