By Kathryn Eisman, Relationship Expert
www.kathryneisman.com
Instead of being a blushing bride-to-be, your best friend is a blubbering mess with a bad case of pre-wedding jitters. What’s the best way to help her? Love expert Kathryn Eisman saves the day with helpful advice and her ‘True Love’ checklist.
When Megan Fox recently said “I do” to Brian Austin Green (both pictured left) on Hawaii’s Tranquil ‘Big Island’, was she suffering from pre-wedding jitters? Did she ‘transform’ from tough-talking bombshell to nervous wreck before his very eyes? Did she spend the nights leading up to the nuptials wrapping her toned hot legs around her fiancé, as we imagine, or was she suffering from a case of cold feet?
It’s one of the things (along with the extent of her acting ability) that we can only speculate about. For most brides, exactly how they feel leading up to the big ‘I Dos’ remains a mystery. Societal pressure to experience ‘the happiest day of your life’, along with the huge associated costs and inconvenience of guests flying in for your special day can keep even the biggest bridezilla tight lipped about her pre-matrimonial concerns.
When we flip through the pages of wedding magazines, we are given a ‘Photoshopped’ version of what really transpired. Pre-wedding jitters remain one of society’s best-kept secrets; no-one gives the heads up to an engaged couple that feelings of panic, uncertainty, soul-searching, ambivalence and even distress, are perfectly normal.
The lead-up to a wedding for many people is one of the most stressful times in their life, requiring the multi-tasking skills of a military operation and an army of people to please. Then there are the costs to consider, and those last days of low carb dieting to endure. Combine that with the life changing nature of nuptials, the end of ‘single girl status’ and it’s little wonder why more brides aren’t picking out white stait jackets instead of white dresses.
Indeed, feelings of doubt or trepidation is to be expected whenever you are committing to “till death do us part”. Hell, if most of us had to commit to any one thing to the exclusion of all else for the rest of our lives (be it a single pair of shoes or breakfast cereal) we’d probably freak out too!
Remind your friend that feeling this way is totally normal, but listen carefully to her fears and tears and help her figure out if they’re natural anxiety or alarm bells warning: “DON’T WALK, RUN!” As much as you hate to see her upset, it’s important to resist the urge to reassure her that “everything is alright”. Instead ask her the following questions:
• Does she feel emotionally connected to her husband-to-be?
• Is there a mutual respect and admiration?
• Does he make her feel supported and loved?
• Is she physically attracted to him?
• Do they share similar world views and value systems?
If she answers “Yes” to all of these questions, then feel free to reassure her that she is making the right decision. If the answer to some of these questions is a resounding “no”, then open up the discussion as to why. A list of “deal breakers” may include:
• Abuse – physical, emotional, verbal, sexual
• Deception – cheating, stealing, lying
• Addictions – drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.
• Sexual orientation: your fiancé’s orientation is different than what he originally led you to believe.
If this is the case, remind her that she doesn’t have to go through with this and that it’s better to get out now than later. However, no matter what the outcome, remember it’s your place to be a sounding board for her to express her emotions without judgment or direction. Ultimately it’s her decision whether or not she wants to become a runaway bride, you just have to be there to hold her hand either way.
For more info on Kathryn, go to her official website: www.kathryneisman.com/ or click here to follow her on Twitter.
