By Kathryn Eisman, Love Expert
www.kathryneisman.com/
Kathryn Eisman asks how much should a man really know about a woman?
The other day I was having lunch with a girlfriend who, while demolishing her salad, boasted that her husband of two years knew everything about her. “Everything?” I asked, putting down my fork. “Everything!” she said. She went on to explain that this ‘knowledge’ extended to details about past relationships, sexual exploits, her numbers of past lovers (which, by the way, should be roughly double that which you reveal), exact menstrual cycle (understandable) and even the precise location and application of her many beauty utensils (including shavers, tweezers, padded bras and pimple creams).
While I lost my appetite, I was starting to gain admiration for her ‘total transparency’ approach. Perhaps, I thought, honesty was the best policy? Perhaps, this woman should run for office? However, my respect quickly turned to concern when moments later the conversation turned to her hubby’s growing disinterest in making love to her. Sure, they were a couple of years into their marriage and over the first flush of lust, but her man had gone from 100 to zero faster than a Porsche with new brake pads. I had to wonder, when it comes to relationships, how much information is too much?
Research shows that while honesty and communication are the foundations for a healthy, happy, (sexy) relationship, there is such a thing revealing too much. A survey showed that while 82 percent of men were curious about their partner’s former life, especially her sexual adventures, a staggering 73 percent of those same men also admitted to being unhappy with what they discovered; “You might really want to know, but if a girl tells you every gory detail, secretly you wished you’d never asked”, explained Daniel, 32. It’s an easy trap to fall into. You meet a guy you’re crazy about, you start to get comfortable, the dopamine kicks in (plus a few glasses of Pinot Noir) and you feel the overwhelming desire to share! But once the red wine wears off, you’re often left with a painful ‘Too Much Information Hangover’, feeling more exposed than Pamela Anderson at Mardi Gras. Admittedly, that threesome you had as an exchange student in Germany might make for a hilarious story on a girls night, but share this torrid tale with your man and be warned; the only tears you’re likely to shed won’t be derived from laughter. Rather, be prepared for your boyfriend or even husband to ban all future visits to Eastern Europe or get jealous the next time you need to go on a work trip, or order a schnitzel!
The truth about truth, is that while pouring out your heart and sharing every detail about our bikini wax appointments, cellulite insecurities and past romps may feel good at the time, it can just as easily extinguish that spark of romance. Sure your man may still love you unconditionally, but he still has to lust after you, which is made considerably more difficult if you’re permanently going to bed with a face mask on! When it comes to the gentle flicker of romance, there’s nothing more bonding than sharing a heart-to-heart with the man you love, and being accepted for just the way you are. However keeping a little space in a romance can also bring you together. Indeed, mystery and dishonesty are not the same things. Oscar-winning actor Sir Michael Caine who has been married to wife Shakira for over 35 years attests his lasting relationship not to keeping secrets, but rather to “keeping separate bathrooms”. So while it is important at times to open up, at times it’s also important to keep the toilet door closed!
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SHARING IS CARING |
TOO MUCH INFORMATION! |
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What you look like without a dash of makeup |
What you look like plucking eyebrows or any other form of hair removal |
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That you are a little insecure about a body part |
That you hate your body |
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What you learnt from past relationships |
What you learn from past relationships in the bedroom |
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That it’s that time of the month |
What that time of the month looks like |
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That you have been with a few guys before him |
That you slept with the rugby team on school camp |
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That you’re getting your hair “done” |
That you’re getting your grey covered, putting in extensions and bleaching your eyebrows so you look like a natural blonde |
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That you’ve had a facial |
That you’ve had a lip wax, facial hair bleaching and acne fighting laser treatment |
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The first boy you slept with |
The number of guys you slept with |
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That you had a crush on Marky Mark |
That you have a crush on your boss |
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That you are going to “The Ladies” |
What exactly you do in “The Ladies” |
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That one day you’d like to get married and have kids |
That, this ‘day’ is next Tuesday! |
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That you absolutely love him |
That you’d kill yourself if he ever left you and are afraid that if it doesn’t work out with him you’ll die alone surrounded by 15 cats |
Click here to find out more about Kathryn Eisman. Or to see her Twitter site, click here.
