Have you ever had a stressful day at work, gone home, and taken it all out on your family? If we’re being honest, it is likely most of us will answer yes. We wear many different hats each day – colleague, friend, mother, employee – and it can be difficult to move seamlessly from one role to another without carrying baggage around and becoming stressed, anxious, and unhappy. So how do we solve this problem and be our best self at work, at home, and everywhere else life takes us?
By Chloe Schneider
Dr Adam Fraser proposes that it’s not what we do in each scenario, but what we do in the transitional period between, or the ‘Third Space’, that really helps us combat anxiety and stress levels and achieve balance and happiness. We spoke to Dr Adam Fraser about ‘The Third Space’ and how we can use his theory in our own lives.
RESCU: Can you tell us more about the personal experiences that led you to discover and research the Third Space?
Dr. Adam Fraser: There were two. The first was watching soldiers return home and find it so hard to connect back into their family life. When I asked them about it they talked about how hard it was the transition from being a hyper vigilant soldier to being a parent/partner/civilian.
The second was standing in the green room at the Sydney Convention Center. It was twenty minutes before I had to walk out and present to 5000 people. Then my phone rang. I can’t clearly recall what happened next, only the sentence that told me my best friend had just died unexpectedly. I was shattered. I couldn’t believe it was true. Over and over the sentence played in my head. For a moment, I totally forgot where I was and certainly forgot what was waiting for me through those doors.
Then the AV guy came up and said, “Here is your mic, you’re on in five.” I only had minutes before 5000 sets of eyes would be on me. In that moment I had to squash the desire to run away and pull myself together. I not only managed to hold it together, I actually did a good job.
Then I walked off stage, sat in my car, put my head in my hands and sobbed like a baby.
Following this I started to wonder how I was able to go from that phone call to successfully completing a very challenging task. It was clearly something I did in the transition between getting the phone call and walking out on stage. I began to study how people transition from one activity to another.
RESCU: What sort of results did you see from your study with Deakin University?
Dr. Adam Fraser: Most work life balance techniques revolve around time: how to be more organised, how to spend more time at home. However we took the approach where we asked families why did THEY want their mother/father/partner to have more balance, it was not about time. They said, “We can handle the long hours, we understand that you have to do calls at night, what we don’t understand is why you have to come through the door and be rude to us. Don’t you dare take your day out on us, don’t you dare see us as an inconvenience.”
They wanted them to come home in a better mood and be nice to them. So we asked 600 people to practice three key behaviours between work and home to improve behavior.
Here’s what they were asked to practice:
Reflect: This is where they reflected on and analysed the day. However they were encouraged to only focus on what they had achieved that day and what had gone well for them.
Rest: They took time to relax and unwind. Being calm and present, allowed their body and mind to recover from the stressful day.
Reset: This is where they became clear about their intention for the home space and articulated the specific behaviours they wanted to exhibit. In other words how they wanted to ‘show up’ when they walked through the door.
After practicing this for a month we saw a 41% improvement in their behaviour in the home.
RESCU: What are the benefits of practicing the principles of the third space for everyday people?
Dr. Adam Fraser: The benefits are: The reflect phase puts you in a more optimistic mindset and frame of mind as well as improved their level of happiness. The rest phase reduces stress levels and allows the brain to think clearer. Finally the Reset phase helps people develop self awareness and get clear about what is important. This makes them feel more in control and organised. In summary the benefits are – greater happiness, more optimism, less negative stress, calmer mind and a greater sense of control.
RESCU: We’re often running from one appointment to the next with very little time between – is practicing the third space really practical in these situations?
Dr. Adam Fraser: It’s very practical. It is a technique that can take 10 seconds (you can make it as long or as short as you want depending on your circumstances).
Also it’s a mental process so you can do it anywhere. I have business people tell me they use it to move from one meeting to another. You’re already thinking thoughts as you move from one space to another. This technique just helps you organise those thoughts for a healthier outcome. And you don’t have to do all three parts. I have many business people say when they are rushed they just do the Reset phase. Where they ask: How am I showing up? What is my intention? What is the behaviour I want to exhibit?
RESCU: Can you give our readers some tips on how they can practice the third space?
Dr. Adam Fraser: I would start out practicing the transitions from work to home, then practice it from home to work and then start using it between significant changes in your day. Going from meeting to meeting. Going from doing admin to then doing more strategic work. The key is just make it work for you and your lifestyle.
The Third Space is available to purchase nationwide. Visit www.thethirdspace.com.au for full list of stockists and more information. RRP $29.95.
