Many people assume that a relationship, like oxygen, is an absolute necessity in life. However, being without a relationship – being single – is not bad or awful. It’s not limiting either … but your ideas about relationship might be.
What have you decided a relationship is? What do people need it for? To feel complete? To have credibility and avoid the stigma of being single? To be happy?
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International speaker and co-author of Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One, Simone Milasas says being in relationship is just a choice. I’m sorry to say that, if you don’t have one, it’s because you don’t really want one. However, if you believe some of the common myths about relationship, it’s no wonder you’re choosing to remain single. These myths include:
1. “The One” exists and that it lasts forever.
When you are looking for “the One”, you are limiting how great a relationship can actually be for you. What you have done is conclude that there’s one person who can suit your needs in a relationship, and this ideal will blind you to anyone else that wants to contribute to your life. Looking for “the One” is looking for a fantasy and a perfect person which doesn’t exist .
A relationship is not a fairytale; there is no knight in shining armour, there is no damsel needing rescue. Regardless of whatever you envision someone should look like or be like, the problem with making them “the One” is that you make them the source of everything, instead of yourself. You are the source for your life.
2. They will complete me.
Believing someone will complete you is based on the idea you are lacking something in your life. What part of you have you decided you need completing? Instead of expecting that someone else will fix that, practice asking, “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?” Asking this question will allow you to acknowledge there is nothing wrong or incomplete about you.
Having someone to complete you is a romantic notion that doesn’t work. If someone is required to meet your expectations and alleviate your self-judgments, it will drive them away. A relationship is not about being complete; it should make everything greater!
3. I will change them.
Nobody is waiting for you to come along and change them into what you have decided is perfect for you. Perfection is a judgment, and relationships based on judgment don’t work. You have to be willing to have total allowance of each other.
With allowance there’s the space for exploring what your relationship can be – something greater than how you’ve decided it should be. If you’re looking to change someone, it’s because you have decided that something is wrong with them, while it’s right with you!
Start asking yourself, “Is this person going to work for me?” People avoid looking at what truly works for them and end up choosing to be in relationship with people who match their judgments rather than someone who adds to their life.
4. Being in a relationship makes a person happy.
So many people believe their happiness depends on being in a relationship. You don’t have to be in a relationship with another person to be happy. You can simply choose to wake up happy every day!
If happiness is just a choice – and it is – would you need a relationship to have it? When you begin choosing happiness for yourself regardless of what anyone else is doing or being, you no longer make someone else responsible for your happiness.
5. You have to do everything together.
This is one of the major factors that ruin a relationship. A lot of people come together and start giving up what they like to do in order to please the other person which never works. You aren’t going to enjoy doing all the same things all the time, you are two different people! And, it actually creates a lot more for a relationship when you don’t do everything together.
6. Relationship is about owning one another.
A relationship is about contributing to each other, not about owning one another. When you choose to contribute to each other, you can create more together. Ownership is a limitation. It eliminates the possibilities of what you can create. Look at everywhere you’re trying to own someone, and change it to gratitude instead. Gratitude generates possibilities.
Why are you still single? When you’re willing to look at your own beliefs about relationship, you can free yourself from the myths of what you’ve decided it has to be in order to create what works for you. What if you thought of relationships as creationships?
Looking at what you can create with another person instead of what you’ve decided relationships are supposed to be like, opens the door to many more possibilities in your life. You might choose to continue to be single, or you may find that a relationship can be a gift to your life – something different to what you have ever considered possible.
