If this were a film, you’d high-five all your friends and then embark on a steamy affair, which is always an option.
However, as it’s not a movie, you can do a little thinking beforehand. RESCU’s here to outline the pluses and minuses of ignoring the generation gap in the bedroom.
(And I don’t care how hot they are – never, never go below 17-18.)
Pros
They have a high libido.
If the object of your affection is a girl, this might not be so assuredly the case. However, with men in their early 20s, it’s a fairly good bet that their sex drive is at its highest.
This may be exhausting, pressuring or annoying, but take it as an opportunity to rediscover your own libido.
Reliving the college days when you could stay in the bedroom for several days at a stretch? Sounds like fun to us.
They’re good for your self-esteem.
Even though you SHOULD feel sexy, desired, skilled and confident far beyond your nubile 20s, society can often condemn women to feel as if they’ve dried up, or have less to offer.
Cheap thought it is, the attentions of a younger, enthusiastic lover can help you feel like a sexual being again.
And trust me, they probably find your returned interest, when you can have the pick of several age groups, equally flattering.
They’re adventurous.
Youth and experimentation go very well together. As long as ONE of you is sensible about cleaning the toys, having a safe word and practising safe sex – and it doesn’t have to be you – this is a chance to explore.
Don’t pressure anybody into doing anything. Make sure it’s an adventure you take together, or one in which you’re introducing a willing participant to your own long-held practises.
This is not the time or place to be ordinary or missionary-position-centric. Take advantage of their flexibility (literally).
You can be dominant.
This is not a given element, or necessarily something which might attract you, but as the elder partner in a sexual relationship, you can take control with more impunity.
Always wanted to call the shots? Maybe a younger lover is your best bet. It’s a basic fantasy, for them and for you.
Again, this is not a general observation. Chances are also good that your younger partner will want to take control regardless of their age – some people are just naturally dominant. Keep that in mind.
Cons
They can be sexually and emotionally immature.
Immaturity can surface in many forms. Lack of generosity in bed; propensity to say hurtful things without recognising that they’re not OK; boasting to their friends inappropriately; sulkiness; awkwardness; stupidity about safe sex; a basic lack of experience.
If you’re taking on a younger lover, bear in mind that they simply haven’t had enough opportunity to develop a lot of the behaviours you might now take for granted.
Teaching consideration can be a good element of sexual relationships, and there are mature and experienced young’uns out there, but if you don’t relish the idea of schooling somebody, have second thoughts.
They haven’t found their groove yet.
One of the advantages of years of sex is that you figure out what you like, want, and respond to.
The problem with younger partners? They might not know any of those things – and might be correspondingly lacking in confidence about how to please you or respond to your signals.
This does depend on exactly how young they are, but you can’t hold the same sexual expectations as you would of a person in their late 40s, for instance. That isn’t fair.
So go in with your eyes wide open, and remember what it felt like at that age – how weird, terrifying and new it could be.
They’re bad for your self-esteem.
The bad part of rolling over in the morning and seeing a body in better shape than yours? You’ll be inclined to compare.
If they’re sleeping with you – and if they’re mature enough to know the importance of vocalising their desire for you – they’ll minimise these fears, but a younger lover does make you see your own saggy and less-than-young bits perhaps more sharply.
Only start sleeping with somebody younger if you can handle the thought that your ‘competitors’, as it were, are also younger.
They may not understand your needs.
Need a night alone? Need a quick bedroom fix? Need a specific move at a specific time?
If you’ve come to understand your body and what it needs – which is often, as we get a bit older, a lot more specific – that’s fantastic. However, be aware that these needs might be different from your partner’s previous lovers, and so it might get lost in translation.
Taking a younger person into the bedroom means a willingness to communicate. Oddly, it can be even more work than ‘settling’ for that person your Mum picked out for you. You just need to decide whether it’s worth the rewards.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
